| Written by Lisa Hood,
on 02-19-2008 16:02
|
Views : 567  |
Favoured : 73 |
Published in : , Human Resources |
Tags : passive event, good listener, empathic listening, rsquo, collaborative problem, private world, t pay, paraphrases, jaffa, talk 1, conversation with someone, psychologist, clarification, pay attention, assumptions, tensions, habit, emotions, judgment, odds |
If you were to ask 10 people if they think they are a good listener, odds are that 9 will answer “Yes”. While the majority of people believe they are a good listener, few actually are. That is because good listening is an ACTIVE rather than PASSIVE event. This means we must exert energy to pay close attention to what is said, without drifting from the conversation or making assumptions based on our own beliefs. You may be an expert at hearing what is said, but listening requires clarification and feedback to ensure understanding.
Active or Empathic Listening is a form of listening and responding that focuses the attention on the speaker. The listener pays attention to the speaker, and doesn’t attend to other activities, and then paraphrases what she thinks the speaker has said. This enables the speaker to validate or clarify and to feel they have been heard.
Among its benefits, empathic listening
1. builds trust and respect,
2. enables the disputants to release their emotions,
3. reduces tensions,
4. encourages the surfacing of information, and
5. creates a safe environment that is conducive to collaborative problem solving.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you can just tell they are thinking about what they plan to say next, rather than listening? Maybe you’re guilty of this habit. According to psychologist Elliot Jaffa, Ph.D., "The opposite of listening is waiting." Instead of listening carefully, many people subconsciously send the message "I want you to hurry up and shut up so I can talk." 1
While waiting to speak, people don’t pay attention to what is being said. Active listening not only requires attention to what is said, it must occur without judgment.
“Truly empathic people suspend evaluation and criticism when they listen to others. Here the challenge is to enter into the private world of the speaker, to understand without judging actions or feelings." 1
You may think you know what is meant but unless you clarify the message with the sender, you can’t be sure. We react to what is said based on our own experiences, beliefs and assumptions. Active listening is a two way communication using verbal and non verbal communication.
Non Verbal cues may include nodding, eye contact, turning your body towards the speaker or leaning in. Verbal cues may include affirmative sounds: “uh huh”, “hmmm”, “yes” or “right”
Restating the basic idea of what was said is a key ingredient to active listening, because it provides an opportunity for both parties to clarify the meaning of the message. According to author Judi Brownell, Ph.D., restating or summarizing ideas "…allows the speaker to hear the message as interpreted by the listener and to adjust it if it has been misunderstood or is incomplete. It also prevents the listener from becoming judgmental, so that the speaker is free to express him/herself without becoming defensive,"
The effort required to instill the habit of active listening will be rewarded with numerous benefits, including: a better understanding of others, an enhanced public image and improved relationships.
1. Salem , Richard: The Benefits of Empathic Listening, Beyond Intractability, July 2003, Retrieved February 2008
|
